I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
