if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He better not be in your backpack
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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