Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize