I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
