Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
