I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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