Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
