Hippo gnu deer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
