Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
