Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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