Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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