You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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