just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
