Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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