one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
