No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize