did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yo dont text me then not text me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
