Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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