i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
