Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
