What a fucking waste of an outfit
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
