I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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