If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
