I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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