Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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