So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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