The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
