did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
