I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
