You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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