oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
