You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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