I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
