i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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