im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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