Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your cock deserves a montage
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
