You're a womanizer and a bitch.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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