My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
