hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
