He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
