My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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