i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
