its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
