you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
