It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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