this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
