Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
