'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
