dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
