Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
