I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
