I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
