so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
