News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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