do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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