cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
