Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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