im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
