This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
