I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
