At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i've created a new STD.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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