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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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