dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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