I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
