Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize