It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
