That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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