can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
