I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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