do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
