Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
