Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize