Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
