we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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