I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
