Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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