I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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