The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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