Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize