there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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