I think im going to throw up on grandma
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize