I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
