am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
