Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The air taste purple.
Randomize
