You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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