Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
