I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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