I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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