my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
